Ode to Toppers

DISCLAIMER: If you ARE one of the people described in this poem (hahahahahaaaa), then don’t take offense, I’m just venting my ire out.

There are words used in this text that some people may find weird or not understand (for eg. “go0″, “kkrh”, fuqol”). These are INSIDE JOKES so don’t worry.

Before I start, I’d like to say:

“Zara helmet pakadna dost.”

Okay.

Wake up in the morning, go to college,

Don’t apply your brain, just cram all the f***ing knowledge,

Break mein revision karo…or hang out with loser friends,

Jam ke padhai karte raho, until the college ends.

Shaam ko seedhe ghar aao, aur ghar pe aake open your books,

Don’t care about what ur friends are doing, or what ur mom cooks,

No msging “kkrh”, “aao tab”, or “dekhta hun”,

Just sit there cramming ur books and eating ur own go0.

SPI, GPA ya CPI jitni bhi ho, kis baat par ghamand hai,

If you don’t have a social life, tumhari zindagi jhand hai.

I’m proud that neither am I, nor are my friends so gay,

But to those who are, I’d just like to say,

Tumhari video banaake hum log karenge usko dub.

Tum toh FUQOL ho FUQOL. go0 khao sab”.

These 4 college kids and 5 of their friends were spotted at Mag-D CC, studying, while auonlookers looked auon. Even the smell of food couldn’t deter them from distributing and discussing class notes. Their lifeless bodies were recovered from the canal opposite Abul Fazl Enclave the next day, faces mutilated beyond recognition. However, one of them was easily identified owing to the peculiar shape of his head (A perfect cube).

Rain, Rain, Don’t Go Away… Come Again Every Single Day!

DISCLAIMER: This note is a  tad different from my other ones, cos it’s a bit serious. I just wanted to express my view and lift the dampened spirits of those AIDS victims in my class and everywhere else, who’re afraid of the rain.

It’s raining, it’s monsoon, and it’s the best time of the year.There are countless things we can do during this time.If you’re the reclusive type, then staring out the window, watching the rain fall from the sky is as pleasing a vision as anything. 

The Recluse.. He was allegedly peeing out the window

If you’re the happy-go-lucky kind of person, an evening spent dancing away on the road or in a park with your closest friends feels much better than sitting in your home in all that monotony.

The Happy-go-lucky Man. Who refuses to appear before the camera. WE CAUGHT HIM! The Long lost twin brother of a well-known Indian opener-cum-wicketkeeper. “AeKe-AeKe-…”

Or, if you’re the tree-hugging environmentalist, this is the best time of the year for you, cos you don’t have to worry about all those plants not getting enough water, and add to that, this is the time when you can encourage your neighbourhood to indulge in the angelic activity of water harvesting!

Tree-huggers! Sorry for the crude editing 

If you’re the romantic type, you would well know that a kiss or hug shared in rainy weather goes a long way in expressing your closeness with the other. Just like in the movies!  

The ultimate copule… they live together, sleep next to each other, eat together, practically do everything together (except shitting, which they might even start doing if u tell them to) Here they can be seen talking to each other over the phone, trying to maintain distance from each other so that nobody suspect them…Naughty boys! 

Playing football when the heavens are raining down on you is what any hardcore football fan would die for. Though it reduces the friction below yourfeet, making you run slower and more carefully, it also makes the ground softer so that it acts like a cushion in case you fall! The ample humidity in the air ensures your body isn’t starved of that life-giving fluid we call WATER.

FOOTBALL!!!!! Notice that its not raining, and I’m not even in the picture. 

On the other hand, heavy rainfall may lead to flooding of roads, which disrupts traffic flow. Pothole formation also occurs on these roads more often than not. This adds to our already prevalent traffic woes and makes life difficult for those who need to commute a lot between their offices and homes.

Also, there definitely are diseases to watch out for during monsoon.

Dengue wala…..! Guess who it is..

The number of Dengue and typhoid cases rise exponentially during this period.This occurs because the large pools of stagnant water visible throughout thecity, act as perfect incubators for mosquito eggs. Hence their population increases at alarming rates, increasing the chance that you will be bitten by acarrier of a disease.

Still, these reasons are not to fret over. Everything under the sun comes with its own set of pros and cons. Take for example driving. You are well aware of the dangers on Delhi roads and the frequent accidents that occur.Also, there is a high risk that somebody could inadvertently graze their vehicle against yours, leaving an ugly scratch or dent on its surface. But given these hindrances, would you suddenly quit driving altogether? 

Mmmmmmm…….

Surely not! The monsoons are meant to be enjoyed, and enjoy you must! Gods send down the rain, to grant us a break from our hectic schedules. Don’t let this gift go down the drain, so to speak! 

HAPPY MONSOONS!!

A Day To Remember – 11th August’10

These are all TRUE STORIES, no matter how far-fetched they may appear.

11th August 2010 was a major turning point in the history of Comp 2nd Yr, JMI. Many significant and some not-so-significant events occurred on this cursed day. After being incessantly prodded by his friends to post “something memorable” for this day, the ‘hitherto unknown’ (Pfft! As if.) Ayush Sharma has come up with this shit.

A blow-by-blow account of shit that happened:

Lab in the morning. Saala Fayyaz, ata kuch nahi hai, shakal zaroor dikhaega..

After the lab, our marksheets were released. Sabki kati. Class ka average performance definitely dipped sharply. Manyu 6.30 Ayush 7.45 Faraz 7.67 Sami 7.03 Aamir 7.45 Faiz 7.4 Zaigham 8.12. Zubair became a 5 point Someone.. Auonly On got a nice SPI..9.39..he’s no longer a part of our group.  Sab ka chacha katt gaya.

In the break, and the subsequent period occurred the controversy of the semester. The previous day, a freelance spy (Shadab Khan) intercepted secret communication going on among 6 local goons and immediately reported the case to the administration of 2nd year Comp. He even provided us with proof and devastating evidence, which was later displayed on the class blackboard for all to see.

“I hate my college…class full of “SCOUNDRALS”(sp.)..except by 5..sach mein life mein first time aisi ghatiya class mili hai…saalon ki itni cheap mentality hai ki i cant even tell you..” -Anuj Kumar..

Hahaha…Pipe club was deeply involved in this scandal. It was sorted out later. Arre misunderstanding toh ho hi jati hai. Sorry yar Anuj!

YE mast hai!

About 1/7 of our class went mad..calling each other “Mast” and “Sabse Mast” and other shit. Then Rabbani (Mahela Jayawardene) proved why he’s so famous in Bollywood after he donned a pair of shiny black shades. The entire class went wild and rushed to take souvenirs and photos. “Rabbani Bhai..mmassst hai bhai…Arrey NAHI yaar, cheetah hai…OHOHOHOHOOOHO!!!”

Ooh Bhaai..

Then we had Systems and Signals (Fayyaz again). Don’t remember what he taught. The most interesting part of the lecture was when he took the attendance 

He made everyone say “YES SIR, YES SIR” and it was really funny! Also, Wayne Rooney a.k.a. Yusuf Wajeeh Usmani was sitting in the front seat, talking to a Police Inspector and a Zombie. Sir caught him and sent him out of the class ie, Fayyaz awarded Rooney a Red Card.

Rooney sent off

After that we had Digital Logic Lab. Manyu made a really untidy observation table, and when he showed it to sir, uska poora page kaat diya sir ne..haha 0 1 01 010 10..haha. Faiz challenged the great Ayush himself in Digital logic, and when he realised ki uska katt raha hai, he ran away.

Looks like a scene from a movie, but its an actual picture

Afterwards it started to rain and our group had a meeting with Jayawardene bhai. OHHOHOOHOHOOO!! Then we all headed towards Aamir’s house.According to a witness, Ayush Sharma:”raining heavily..masti kari bohot saari baarish mein..ayush sami faraz ON..mazaa aya bohot..raste mei ON’s shoes pe ***** mila humein..haha aur ek Uncle apne tattey pakadke jaa raha tha..baarish se bachne k liye haha..apni dhoti sambhalke..We were walking past the garbage dump in Okhla Vihar, and we saw a rickshaw with a girl sitting. Some local boys were climbing onto it and teasing the girl. Uski katt rahi thi bohot..! One of the boys came to Auon and hugged him and said, “Mai tumhara bhai hoon”..haha..our shoes got completely wet..then to avoid more floodwater, we turned left and entered johri farm place, behind okhla vihar..wahan we were talking and walking and forgot the way..galat jagah mudh gaye,and reached a dead end…katt gayi buri waali…AAaaa….!! sahi tha..then we went to aamirwa’s place, and ate samosas.”

Auon’s shoe! Aaaaa…

Ayush’s, Sami’s and Faraz’s phones all got switched off due to rainwater. Ayush had to make a call, so he asked for Auon’s phone. But even his phone had gotten bad! Bas aamir ka chal raha tha, but when Ayush askd for it, he threw it and it fell directly onto Ahsan’s belt, and its screen cracked..aaaaa! katt gayi uski…bechara. Some memorable quotes:

Aamir (before the tragedy): “Ayush, mai tumhe apna phone nahi de sakta, Sami ke phone ki haalat dekh ke.”

Aamir (after the tragedy): “Ek tarah se achha hi hua, pehle mai bohot care karta tha iski, ab nahi karunga..”

Faraz (consoling Aamir): “Abe khush hoja, screen toot jaane se speaker ki awaaz tez ho jati hai.”

Then everyone went home. NOTHING HAPPENED AFTER 7:30 PM on11th Aug’10. Samajhne waley samajh jaenge 

Btw: Sab mast hain yaar..

PS: 12th August ko humein Zaigham ne bataya, ki what Faraz said about the speakers, is not true! Oh bhai, Zaigham toh sab kuch jaanta hai..He is so cool man…I wish I could be like him!

No, this guy isn’t Zaigham, Zaigham’s the one in the blue sweater. This was seven months ago… Lots of people are missing, sorry, but this was the best pic I could find! THIS is why I keep poking people to click more.

Ode to E&C : The True Story of 18th May'10

We have Electronics tomorrow
And i'm full of sorrow
Cos i thought 5th Unit bhi hai

aisi padhi ka kya fayda...

toh usko padhne baitha mai.
Do teen ghante baad
mujhe fir aaya yaad
ki ab to units bache hain chaar,
ab toh ho hi jaega yaar..
Communication bhi fir maine kar li,
fir mai sochne laga ki,
now my target is not too far,
toh mai chala gaya chalane papa ki car..
Ghar aake jab kai ghante FIFA khel liya,
tab Sami ne mujhe indication diya,
Ki why did i unncessarily make such a fuss,
when Unit 5 was not in the syllabus.
Ab aap karoge mujh par daya,
kyonki ye sunkar mera katt gaya.
Ab toh mai kar raha hoon "haye"
kyonki hum baki sab kuch matiya diya hain bhaye..
Ab toh F milega, jahan milna tha C,
Lo kar di na ab humne bakchodi.
Ab hua pada hai hamara kitna bura haal,
Exam dena padega fir se agle saal..
And instead of going to study in a total frenzy,
I'm sitting here writing my Ode to E&C..
Chalo thoda padh lete hain, shayad kuch no. aajaein,
Yahan-wahan haath maarke shayad attharah pura jayein.
But regardless of that, tomorrow we'll play football,
So have a good night, and best of luck to AUOLL...

Kya ukhaad liya...

timing..lol

True Stories Strike Back!!! [i.e Part-III]

Okay straight to the point. :P

"Checking out" *hoyeah*

1. Ayush and Faraz discussing movies.
Faraz: Arre Sami ek movie ke liye pagal hai. He loves Final Destination
Ayush: Fir to usko Semifinal Destination bhi bahot achhi lagegi...


2. Ayush and Manyu talking about football kicks, something he THINKS he's good at.
Ayush: Agar Outer maarni ho to paer ke is hisse se maarte hain.
Manyu (offended at being taught how to kick a ball): Mujhe bata raha hai?
Ayush: Haan tujhe hi toh...


3. Zaigham and Auon in the canteen posing for a pic.

AUON FALLS DAUOWN... !!!

Auon: Ayush yaar jaldi se photo lo na.
Ayush: Lao...


4. While travelling back to the campus from TTI in Manyu's car:
Manyu: Abe yaar gaadi mei peeche ki taraf zyada zor pad raha hai..
Ayush: Lagta hai teri car bahot impatient hai..
Everyone: Kyon?
Ayush: Cos usse zyada wait (weight) nahi saha jata na...


5. [2 in 1] Before heading out to play football in Mujeeb Bagh:
Manyu: Yaar Faiz, kuch biscuits diyo khaane ke liye.
Ayush: Abe isko dog biscuits de diyo..
Faraz: Isko Pedigree de diyo.
Ayush: Pagal vo TRIPLE H thodi hai...

6. [2 in 1] Ayush going to jump off a wall in Okhla Vihar, Faraz trying to convince him not to.
Faraz (exhausted) : Jo karna hai kar.
Ayush: Pagal mai joker thodi hoon...
Faraz: Wahi to keh raha hoon..Joker NA hai..

7. In Mujeeb Bagh:
Auon: ...jab bhi hum apne Nana ke paas jaate hain..
Ayush: And what about your Haan Haan..?

8. Ayush, Zaigham and a few other kids sitting in the canteen. Ayush was assaulting Zaigham with his PJs.
Zaigham: Bakwaas PJ maarega to maar dunga tere sar war pe!
Ayush: Abe fir to mera Net band ho jaega...

9. Ayush and Shadab (Roll no. 66, A.D. waala lol) sitting around.
Ayush (mazaak mei): Shit yaar..mera jeene mei man nahi lagta..
Shadab: Kyon aisa kya bura ho gaya zindagi mein..
Ayush: Arre zindagi mei nahi, i meant mera staircases mei man nahi lagta...

10. Faraz and Ayush in car. Faraz was describing Ayush an incident from a movie.
Faraz: Uske baad pile up ho gaya tha highway par.
Ayush: Bawaseer (piles) ho gayi thi kya usko...

True Stories and other Possible Death-Causing Material Returns! [ie, Part-II]

DISCLAIMER: Any injuries caused to self or suicides committed by persons reading the following material are totally understandable. The author of this note will hereby not be held accountable for any such incident. Yeah and by the way, those who do not entertain cheap, stupid and therefore totally vulgar humour are advised to keep away. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Again.
And God bless those poor souls who departed as a result of reading such suicidal scriptures.

1. Manyu: Vo kaunsi team khel rahi hai?
Andy bhai: Polytechnic
Manyu: To fir monotechnic ki team kahan hai?
Andy bhai: Abe monotechnic ki team mein sirf tu hi khelega
Umair bhai: Nai usme mai bhi khelunga
Abhimanyu: Arre fir to Bitechnic ho jaegi na..

2. Manyu and Ayush playing a game online:
Manyu: Oye tujhe mera IP address pata hai?
Ayush: Pagal tere paas IP address kaise ho sakta hai..
Manyu: kyon?
Ayush: Cos you study in Jamia..tera to Jamia address hoga na..

3. Friend: Sabse stable stream aajkal ECE hi hai.
Ayush: Pagal vo stable nahi hai
Friend: Kyon?
Ayush: Kyonki usme ghodey thodi rehte hain..

4. While playing football:
Sameer bhai (to Sami): Abe jab ball leni ho to call kara kar!
Ayush (to Sami): Ja unse unka number maang ke aa.
Sami: Kyon?
Ayush: Cos unhone call karne ko bola hai na..

5. In a bus, when Satkar, Sahil and Ayush were going to Gurgaon:
Sahil: Bus ka ticket katwaale conductor se
Ayush: Pagal uske paas kainchi to hai hi nahi...! Chal chhorh daant se kaat lega..

6. Manyu disturbing Faraz in class:
Faraz: Mat kar disturb.
Manyu: Kya baat hai..padh raha hai kya?
Faraz: Haan
Manyu: Chal be tu to neeche dekh raha hai
Faraz: Abe msg 'padh' raha hoon na..

7. In canteen:
Ayush: I can't send it. Mera Bluetooth kharaab hai.
Ankit bhai: To dentist ke paas jaa na..

8. In Robotics Class:
Ankit Bhai: Tum sab khana leke aana
Mukul: Kiske liye
Ankit Bhai: Apne liye obv. Meri mom to kuch na kuch bana hi dengi mere liye
Mukul: Hamare liye bhi le ana fir..
Ankit Bhai: Meri Mummy ke paas itna time nahi hai ki tumhare liye baithke khana banaein..
Ayush (dheere se): Khade hoke bana lengi..

9. Faraz: Abe Ayush tu mujhe cc tak drop kar dega?
Ayush: Nahi pagal mai dropper thodi hoon..Ye mera pehla attempt tha..

10. In Workshop:
Ayush: Oye tujhe Cover Drive aati hai?
Manyu: Haan. Abe gaadi ke upar cover chadha aur drive kar..ho gayi na cover drive..



And of course some more Shayari:

1. 12-D mein padhta tha Karan Kohli..




12-D mein padhta tha Karan Kohli..




Wish you and your family a Happy Holi!





2. Ek hain vo, aur ho tum, aur hain hum...



Ek hain vo, aur ho tum, aur hain hum...



Computer Engineering kar raha hai Zaigham...





3. By Manyu:
Puneet ki naak mei nikla foda...



Puneet ki naak mei nikla foda...



Amar Colony mei rehta hai Sahil Arora!

True Stories and other Possible Death-Causing Material

DISCLAIMER: Any injuries caused to self or suicides committed by persons reading the following material are totally understandable. The author of this note will hereby not be held accountable for any such incident. Yeah and by the way, those who do not entertain cheap, stupid and therefore totally vulgar humour are advised to keep away. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

True Stories by Ayush:

1. Faraz and Ayush walking down the road. A plane flies overhead.
Faraz: Abe ye Kingfisher hoga.
Ayush: Nahi pagal ye to aeroplane hai...

2. Aamir: Abe colour dekh CIVIC ka kitna badhiya hai.
Ayush: Haan yar. Aur History ka colour kaisa hai?

3. In Physics Practical Lab:
Avish: Yar kya kar raha hai ayushtu pehle table to bana le.
Ayush (pointing to real table): Abe table to bani hui hai.

4. In Physics Practical Lab:
Mariya (getting irritated): Yar tum log kar kya rahe ho??
Ayush (cheeky grin): Mai? Mai to BTech kar raha hoon..

5. In class, when I wore different shoes for the 3rd day in a row:
Sami: Ayush tu daily naye joote kyun pehenke aata hai?
Ayush: Mai New Daily mein rehta hoon na isliye...

6. In Chem Practical Lab:
Faraz: Abe in compunds ke beech zaroor koi na koi relation hoga.
Ayush: Kaunsa, one-one ya onto?

7. At home:
Aditi: Hey this apple is raw.
Ayush: Raw? I thought it was....SMACKDOWN!

8. In Chem Practical Lab:
Faraz: Abe fir se kyun ja raha hai sir ke paas? Teri pe sign ho to gaya..
Ayush: Abe pagal cos bhi to karwana hai...


True Stories by Abhimanyu:

1. Manyu: Bhai aap kaunsa deo use karte ho?
Cousin: Mai to POLICE deo use karta hoon.
Manyu: Achha mai to CHOR ka deo use karta hoon

2. Manyu's mom: Eat almonds, this will make your brain sharp..
Manyu: Oh then I will be able to...Cut vegetables?


Brutal, Homicidal and Murderous Shayari by Ayush: (Totally self-made and copyrighted)
Arz kiya hai...


1. Ek sundar si haseena, uska deewana ek ladka...


Ek sundar si haseena, uska deewana ek ladka...



Degi Mirch ka tadka, ang-ang phadka!
MDH ki degi mirach!





2. Raju ne kabhi sharaab na peene ki kasam khai hai...



Raju ne kabhi sharaab na peene ki kasam khai hai...




Anil Ambani Mukesh ka chhota bhai hai...





3. Mujhe saari zindagi bitaani hai tere sang...



Mujhe saari zindagi bitaani hai tere sang...




VC of Jamia is Dr Najeeb Jung...





4. Fr Agnel says, Love your neighbour as Yourself...



Fr Agnel says, Love your neighbour as Yourself...



Nikhil has gone to University of Guelph....